I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR thereisaidit

(Currently listening to The Funeral by Band of Horses)

I have known that I wanted to be an actor ever since I was in elementary school. Of course my actual vision of what that means to me has morphed and shaped over the years, but it's like I wasn't even me before that's what I decided I wanted to do.

Anyways, most of you reading this are probably already aware of my passions for theatre. But I was moved to write this blog.

If you have ever studied acting in school or at an arts center or a studio, you have probably been told to not quit your day job. (In a completely non-offensive way.) For those of you who haven't heard this, it pretty much means: Acting (especially for the stage) is not a realist method of income. Even if you are getting cast into show back-to-back, it usually isn't enough to sustain a home, car, and family. So acting coaches/teacher will tell you to find something else that you enjoy doing or you're good at to support your acting career. Yes, by all means pursue your acting with every ounce of ambition your heart can give, but maybe be a teacher (for example) to support yourself.

For the longest time I told myself that I was just going to act for fun. I was going to find a "real job" and whenever I got the chance to act, I would. In the past 4 years, this job has changed several times: makeup artist, playwright, director, producer, publicist, set designer, and most recently: scenic carpenter. If I got job doing any of these things I would be a really happy camper.

But I recently joined The Megaw Actors Studio and there has just been something stirring inside of me, ever since. I can't get away from the fact that I am so in love with acting. And not this puppy dog love that kids in jr. high have. It's almost biblical. It's not just a feeling I'm having, it's a commitment. My love goes deep enough that it makes me enjoy the tedious things about acting: memorizing, paperwork, long rehearsals, annoying cast-mates, lack of sleep, early call times, running the same scene over and over and over and over so that by the last run you feel ready to scream and attack your director.

I'm certainly not making a spectacle of my love for theatre, nor am I trying to prove that it's genuine. I've just decided that I don't want to act on the side. Today I am stating that this is what I want to do with my life. I want this to be my career and I want to die doing it. And if this statement changes next year, or even if it changes in a few weeks: okay. But right now I am ready, World!

Feeling Empty?

you ever get those days/weeks/months/season in your life where you feel spiritually disconnected? You pray and you feel like no one is listening. Whenever you're caught lifting your hands during worship or taking communion or discussing the presence of angles/demons, (or any part of being a Christian that the World might find strange) and you get that little twinge of doubt in the back of your mind. We all have those moments. Personally, I believe that they're essential for having that relationship. I believe God can use those times for many reasons: to strengthen your relationship, to teach you something, or even to test you.

I am in the process of getting over one of those "fluffs". It's been going on for about a 2 months now. I would pray and cry out to the Lord and hear nothing. Feel nothing; nothing but loneliness. But for the past week or so I've been reading 1 Peter over and over every night. My last post was about the things I learned from reading and rereading it. But I also recently started rereading The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. (If you don't know Lewis, he is probably the most famous Christian writer there ever has been). I have been learning a lot from this book as well!

If you haven't read the book yet: DO IT. It's a bit confusing the first time you read it, but it's very good. Basically it's about these two demons, Wormtail and his uncle Screwtape. The whole book is just a bunch of letters written to Wormtail. We never read young Wormtails letters, but Screwtape references them in his writing. In this world of the book, each demon is assigned a human, or a "patient". Their job, and basically their life purpose, is to make sure that his human does not get to heaven. These letters that Screwtape writes consist of advice on how to ensure the damnation of Wormtails patient. So basically the book is a "What NOT to Do" book. Lewis is so elegant in his writing. So many times while I'm reading the book I'm a little convicted because the things Screwtape writes about humans are so true.

ANYWAYS, after all that expedition, the point to this post: I read something very profound in the book and I would like to share. (initially it'll seem like a silly and minuscule point but I would urge you to think about it.) In this passage Screwtape is talking about Christians.

"At the very least, they can be persuaded that the bodily position makes no difference to their prayers; for they constantly forget, what you must always remember, that they are animals and that whatever their bodies do affect their souls."

I have never thought about this before. Firstly, I have gotten so used to just praying laying comfortably underneath my covers (since almost as long as I can remember). Of course there have been several times where I actually did the whole, kneeling-at-my-bed-with-my-fingers-interlocked-prayer when I was really desperate for something, but once every once in a blue moon.

So, for the past handful of nights I have been getting down on my knees beside my bead and saying my prayers that way. Sure enough I felt this focus by the 3 times I did it. I was praying for anything and everyone and I didn't want to stop. It felt so great and I have felt closer to God than I have felt in a while.

So give it a go! It's worth a try. Make a goal to kneel beside your bed with your eyes closed during prayer... let's say for one week. Take the Kneeling Prayer One Week Challenge!

If you see any type of difference please comment or message me and let me know!

Praying for you guys!

My Calling

So I remember watching this video a while ago whenever all of these types of videos were popular and I remember the part at :52 where she is flipping through the bible to a random page and praying that God will give her some insight through wherever her finger landed.

I thought this was hilarious because I've totally done it.. several times. I never really get much from it. Sometimes were so desperate to hear from God that we do silly things like that.

But recently I've been praying that God would guide me to a place to read. I would go to the first book and chapter that popped into my mind. It was frustrating because it would always be the same book and  nearly always the same chapter. I would read from it and it was nice and all but it never really spoke to me.

Finally I decided to just invest the next couple of weeks to reading and re-reading this book which is 1 Peter, and it's been really great! There have been some really good gems in there and nearly every time I read something, I find some way of executing what I learn the next day. I read something one day and it'll just be a bunch of words and then the next it will be very profound.

(I would like to encourage you to pick a book in the Bible and spend the next couple of weeks doing the same thing.)

I pray before I start that I will learn something and then I pray after for assistance in executing what I've learned.

What I stumbled upon today, (and what motivated me to write this blog entry) is 1 Peter 5:10-11. What is reads in the NIV (which I'm reading from) is:

"10 God has given gifts to each of you from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God's generosity  can flow through you. 11 Are you called to be a speaker? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Are you called to help others? Do it will all the strength and energy that God supplies..."

I realized that I have been telling everyone that I have been called to do theatre. Have I been doing theatre like Christ would? I would like to say yes to this, but I don't think I can. I have realized that if this is my calling, it's my obligation to pursue it as I would pursue Christ. I can't just do it half-heartedly and expect to change life. I have to be radical. I have to go above and beyond and excel in my school work. I MUST be good. Theatre is a type of major that always tells you to do you best and do things at your own pace. That there isn't really "bad" or "wrong" and it takes the pressure off of really having to try hard. Well today is the last day that I purse my calling hal-way. From now on, I am going above and beyond everything. (At least I'm going to try)

Are you pursuing your calling like you pursue Christ?