I'm taking a break from the faith based posts... I thought I would say something about myself for once.
The few people who read my blog I'm sure have met me and have noticed a few things about me that you've always wondered about, but were too shy to ask. Well that is OKAY because I am going to do the asking and answering for you ;)
First off, one of the first things you notice when you meet me, are the white patches over my eye and on my calves. This is a a pretty common skin condition called 'vidaligo'. They're not scars, they're not painful, and it's not contagious ;) Pretty much, those little areas on my skin can't hold pigment. And any of the hair that grows on the areas grow completley white! I think it's pretty neat!
When I was younger I had some a hard time with it. Kids in school made fun of me and I remember crying in my room at night asking God why, out of all the people in this world, why he had chosen me to have this. I wanted so much for it to be gone. I remember my mom had bought me this cover-up for it. One day I decided to use it and I thought you had to put it on your entire face. I came out of my room and my family laughed at me because I looked incredibly orange... so that didn't work out. Haha. But now that I'm older I honestly appreciate the individuality it brings me. The photographer photoshopped it out of many of my senior pictures and I was actually kind of mad. So now I'm grateful for the little spots that are about a fourth of the size they used to be. (It also moves around, grows, and shrinks. Weird huh?)
Another thing I'm sure people notice about me are my four, front, bottom teeth. This one I'm a tad bit more sensitive about. They are brownish/yellowish and have been since they grew in when I was about 7. The best explanation the doctors can come up with was that the growth my teeth were affected about a really awful fever I had when I was young. The enamel around those 4 teeth is basically nonexistent. So not only has it left me with this hideous smile, but the teeth are extremely sensitive to temperature. I cried when I got my braces on, not because of the tightening, but because the air they were blowing on my teeth was so cold.
The teeth thing is something I still struggle with. It's so upsetting that I take such good care of my teeth but I stil have these gross things. And insurance doesn't cover it. Just the other week my dentist told me that she could fix it and the first thing I thought was "Wow. I'm finally going to be normal."
But it was false hope. It's going to be a thousand bucks a tooth to get some caps over these suckers.... but oh well.
Lastly, for my closer friends, you might have noticed my fear of close proximity. It's something I struggle with constantly. There have been times where I could over come this for the sake of a scene or just because I trust a person enough. I don't like it when people (mainly dudes) put their face close to mine. I don't like peoples bodies touching mine, and I am freakishly ticklish. This is because I was fighting with my brother a few years ago and somehow he had gotten me pinned down. He had all his weight on me and I couldn't move at all and it was difficult to breath. It was at this moment that I realized that I wasn't invincible and there are people who, if they wanted to, could hold me down and have me at their mercy. That and a combination of creepy old dudes stalking me have made it easy to be afraid of people.
But no worries. I don't have any suppressed memeries that torment me daily and string me out. Hey.. we all have out tiny flaws, and these just happen to be mine.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Our Purpose
(Non-believers can direct their attention to the last paragraph to avoid being offended)
I was washing the dishes the other day. I was in this weird trance when I looked down and wondered what the heck I was doing. Dishes. Why am I washing dishes? So we can put food on it, eat it, and then I can wash the same dish over again?
I looked down at my outfit and thought about how I had changed 3 times this morning only to end up with my normal homemade tshirt and my short shorts.
What was I doing? What am I doing now? The warm water ran over my hands all and I could think was, what is the point? This is what I came up with:
We were made for God. Bottom line. Our main purpose. We were specifically designed to be in a relationship with Him... specifically. Without that relationship everything else is quite pointless. Life is reflected on self. "How can I make myself happy today? What is going to make me feel happy in the future? What makes me feel good?" Me me me me. I think even in the situation where someone is helping people in an awesome way can be turned into selfishness when done just so you can have the satisfaction of having done something good. Do you think too many people would continue to help a person if that person didn't appreciate them?
We are constantly in search of stuff and things that will give us purpose. And I know exactly what you're thinking as you read this: Easy target. Of course we shouldn't always be wanting more and more nice things. I've heard this before in soooo many stories where the person ends up rich and miserable. We obviously know the story, but do we see the truth in it? We look for stuff like a diploma, a car with air conditioning, or maybe even a girlfriend or boyfriend to make us happy. Let me tell you, if you can't be happy right now in the exact situation you're in, then you can't be happy. But if you're homeless and living on the streets and can be happy, you can be happy in any situation. Now I'm not saying you should be able party and dance around right after your dad died. There will be difficult moments on your life. I mean in general. If you're in the state of mind of "If I could JUST get this/him/her/those/that, I'd be happy," you're in for some disappointment. Because things and people fade away. Just like the wind they are here one second and gone the next.
Peoples minds change. Their heart changes. One day they want to see you and the next they want to move on.
So our purpose is to make God happy. I'm not saying that we need to change our purpose to that. I'm not saying that the purpose is different from person to person. It IS out purpose. We all might have a different way of doing it or avoiding it, but it's still our purpose.
So if you're out of sync with this purpose, life may get a little muddy. A little screwy. Things might not make sense. You search for the wrong things and when you find them they never live up to your standards. They never fix things. Things start to seem glum.
The Enemy's job is to make sure you never know this purpose. To hide it's significance. To make other things more important.
My advice? Don't let him.
*Stop stressing. Stop arguing. It's useless. Start loving. Because love is what binds us together in perfect harmony. Even for a non-believer, how can this be bad advice?
Haha, such wise advice from a 19 year old girl right?
I was washing the dishes the other day. I was in this weird trance when I looked down and wondered what the heck I was doing. Dishes. Why am I washing dishes? So we can put food on it, eat it, and then I can wash the same dish over again?
I looked down at my outfit and thought about how I had changed 3 times this morning only to end up with my normal homemade tshirt and my short shorts.
What was I doing? What am I doing now? The warm water ran over my hands all and I could think was, what is the point? This is what I came up with:
We were made for God. Bottom line. Our main purpose. We were specifically designed to be in a relationship with Him... specifically. Without that relationship everything else is quite pointless. Life is reflected on self. "How can I make myself happy today? What is going to make me feel happy in the future? What makes me feel good?" Me me me me. I think even in the situation where someone is helping people in an awesome way can be turned into selfishness when done just so you can have the satisfaction of having done something good. Do you think too many people would continue to help a person if that person didn't appreciate them?
We are constantly in search of stuff and things that will give us purpose. And I know exactly what you're thinking as you read this: Easy target. Of course we shouldn't always be wanting more and more nice things. I've heard this before in soooo many stories where the person ends up rich and miserable. We obviously know the story, but do we see the truth in it? We look for stuff like a diploma, a car with air conditioning, or maybe even a girlfriend or boyfriend to make us happy. Let me tell you, if you can't be happy right now in the exact situation you're in, then you can't be happy. But if you're homeless and living on the streets and can be happy, you can be happy in any situation. Now I'm not saying you should be able party and dance around right after your dad died. There will be difficult moments on your life. I mean in general. If you're in the state of mind of "If I could JUST get this/him/her/those/that, I'd be happy," you're in for some disappointment. Because things and people fade away. Just like the wind they are here one second and gone the next.
Peoples minds change. Their heart changes. One day they want to see you and the next they want to move on.
So our purpose is to make God happy. I'm not saying that we need to change our purpose to that. I'm not saying that the purpose is different from person to person. It IS out purpose. We all might have a different way of doing it or avoiding it, but it's still our purpose.
So if you're out of sync with this purpose, life may get a little muddy. A little screwy. Things might not make sense. You search for the wrong things and when you find them they never live up to your standards. They never fix things. Things start to seem glum.
The Enemy's job is to make sure you never know this purpose. To hide it's significance. To make other things more important.
My advice? Don't let him.
*Stop stressing. Stop arguing. It's useless. Start loving. Because love is what binds us together in perfect harmony. Even for a non-believer, how can this be bad advice?
Haha, such wise advice from a 19 year old girl right?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Brief Testimony/A Question for You
I'm on of those people who check the box that says "I don't remember when I became a Christian" as opposed to writing a specific date or year.
(NOTE: if you don't want to read my story/testimony, you can just skip down to the last two paragraphs)
I remember going to church in a small church in a plaza as a kid and making fun of the older ladies who would speak in tongues. I would hate it when they made me pray by myself. It honestly felt like 30 minutes that they'd make us do it even though it was probably somewhere around 8. I remember for the first 30 seconds honestly asking God for things like "make my moms foot stop hurting" and "for me to get awesome stuff for Christmas." But after those 30 seconds I would run out of stuff to say and be jealous of the people around me who could think of more stuff to say, and then I would just get bored.
I remember once getting in trouble and my dad making me sit in the corner by his bed while he napped. He mentioned something about the devil being bad or to act more like Jesus before putting me in time out. And just as he was dozing off I muttered to myself "I love the Devil" just to spite him, not really knowing the seriousness of what I had said. He rolled over and sternly told me to never say that again, and then went back to sleep. At the age of 7 I can honestly say that I had felt terrible about what I had said.
Moving on. I remember at age 9, my family and I had went to the church service called X-treme aimed to a younger crowd. I remember they had poets, loud music, short skits, and a whole lot of black people. I had watched a very deep skit about how people had turned their back on Jesus and he STILL died for them. This made me so emotional that when they asked if there was anyone who wanted to give their life to Christ that night, my hand was the first up. I felt truly emotional.
We went the next week and at the end they asked the same question and again my hand shot in the air. My mom leaned over to me and told me that I couldn't give my life over to Christ every week. I was almost offended by it. But I did as I was told.
I remember growing older and going to Jr. High. I went to church once in a while because there was this boy I liked at church. I remember having this really awful dream where I was waiting in this really long line that lead down to this tunnel thing, the kind you might see on the free way. Then I looked over far away and saw another line that lead to this giant, futuristic-looking elevator. As I neared the front of the line I realized that I was in line for Hell and the other line was an elevator to Heaven. I asked the lady checking us in why I was going to Hell. After checking her clip-board she replied "Brianna Taft? It says here that you're going to Hell because the only reason you went to church was to see a boy. Please come forward." After waking up I felt so convicted that I made an honest commitment to seek a relationship with Him.
I fell into self hatred and, after leaving my dad, life was so difficult. Jr High was so awkward because I was just coming out of the tomboy phase and kids at school were so horrible.
It wasn't until the summer after 9th grade that I decided it was time to make a stand in my faith. I started attending church regularly and made efforts to deal with my issues, without the motivation of my family. I found rides to and from church on my own, even if that meant waling or taking the bus. Of course I have a loving God-fearing family but, at that point in time, church wasn't really a priority to them.
At this point in my life, I can say that I'm so head over heels for God that I'm pretty much unstoppable. I feel solid in my faith. There is this bible verse: Psalm 22:9-10 "Yet you brought me safely from my mother's womb and led me to trust you when I was a nursing infant. I was thrust upon you at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born." (NLT)
I feel like this verse is really about me. I often tell people that I've been blessed with faith. People always ask me for evidence of God and why I believe and to explain how I came to be a Christian. They try to get me to understand why I'm wrong. But the truth is, I can't. Honest truth. I can't tell you why I believe it. I just do. I always have. I've never believed that there wasn't a God. Even as a young child. Some people believed as children just as they did Santa and the tooth fairy but once they got older they just stopped. Me? I never did. I've tried living days without God. A 'trial run' if you will, and I couldn't get away from the fact that I was just pretending the believe something I didn't. Like if you were to walk around saying the sky wasn't really blue because that's what everyone else believed. But deep down you couldn't really dismiss the fact that the sky really was blue.
Jesus just makes sense to me.
I look at people who have recently found their faith within the last few years. Once a devout Jew, Atheist, Catholic, Jehovah's Witness, going through the motions. And now taking part in a love relationship with Jesus. And I'm jealous!! How great it must feel to experience the love of Christ for the first time! To feel clean and loved for the first time. I feel like I've been dating this guy since I was 9, and I'm just watching other people starting their first relationship as adults, and not remembering that magic. Of course it's been amazing. I've been able to learn so much because of it. I feel like I have knowledge to share with my students and church and wisdom from a girl who has been in their shoes.
But the reason I've shared my story and have written this note is because I would like to ask all of the people who have not been a Christian they're whole life, to explain to me what it's like to give your life to Him for the first time. What was that moment like? What did the week have to follow? What did your friends think? Were their major life changes? Do you think your the same person? How did it happen? You don't have to answer all of the questions but I'm dangerously curious. Thanks for reading!
(NOTE: if you don't want to read my story/testimony, you can just skip down to the last two paragraphs)
I remember going to church in a small church in a plaza as a kid and making fun of the older ladies who would speak in tongues. I would hate it when they made me pray by myself. It honestly felt like 30 minutes that they'd make us do it even though it was probably somewhere around 8. I remember for the first 30 seconds honestly asking God for things like "make my moms foot stop hurting" and "for me to get awesome stuff for Christmas." But after those 30 seconds I would run out of stuff to say and be jealous of the people around me who could think of more stuff to say, and then I would just get bored.
I remember once getting in trouble and my dad making me sit in the corner by his bed while he napped. He mentioned something about the devil being bad or to act more like Jesus before putting me in time out. And just as he was dozing off I muttered to myself "I love the Devil" just to spite him, not really knowing the seriousness of what I had said. He rolled over and sternly told me to never say that again, and then went back to sleep. At the age of 7 I can honestly say that I had felt terrible about what I had said.
Moving on. I remember at age 9, my family and I had went to the church service called X-treme aimed to a younger crowd. I remember they had poets, loud music, short skits, and a whole lot of black people. I had watched a very deep skit about how people had turned their back on Jesus and he STILL died for them. This made me so emotional that when they asked if there was anyone who wanted to give their life to Christ that night, my hand was the first up. I felt truly emotional.
We went the next week and at the end they asked the same question and again my hand shot in the air. My mom leaned over to me and told me that I couldn't give my life over to Christ every week. I was almost offended by it. But I did as I was told.
I remember growing older and going to Jr. High. I went to church once in a while because there was this boy I liked at church. I remember having this really awful dream where I was waiting in this really long line that lead down to this tunnel thing, the kind you might see on the free way. Then I looked over far away and saw another line that lead to this giant, futuristic-looking elevator. As I neared the front of the line I realized that I was in line for Hell and the other line was an elevator to Heaven. I asked the lady checking us in why I was going to Hell. After checking her clip-board she replied "Brianna Taft? It says here that you're going to Hell because the only reason you went to church was to see a boy. Please come forward." After waking up I felt so convicted that I made an honest commitment to seek a relationship with Him.
I fell into self hatred and, after leaving my dad, life was so difficult. Jr High was so awkward because I was just coming out of the tomboy phase and kids at school were so horrible.
It wasn't until the summer after 9th grade that I decided it was time to make a stand in my faith. I started attending church regularly and made efforts to deal with my issues, without the motivation of my family. I found rides to and from church on my own, even if that meant waling or taking the bus. Of course I have a loving God-fearing family but, at that point in time, church wasn't really a priority to them.
At this point in my life, I can say that I'm so head over heels for God that I'm pretty much unstoppable. I feel solid in my faith. There is this bible verse: Psalm 22:9-10 "Yet you brought me safely from my mother's womb and led me to trust you when I was a nursing infant. I was thrust upon you at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born." (NLT)
I feel like this verse is really about me. I often tell people that I've been blessed with faith. People always ask me for evidence of God and why I believe and to explain how I came to be a Christian. They try to get me to understand why I'm wrong. But the truth is, I can't. Honest truth. I can't tell you why I believe it. I just do. I always have. I've never believed that there wasn't a God. Even as a young child. Some people believed as children just as they did Santa and the tooth fairy but once they got older they just stopped. Me? I never did. I've tried living days without God. A 'trial run' if you will, and I couldn't get away from the fact that I was just pretending the believe something I didn't. Like if you were to walk around saying the sky wasn't really blue because that's what everyone else believed. But deep down you couldn't really dismiss the fact that the sky really was blue.
Jesus just makes sense to me.
I look at people who have recently found their faith within the last few years. Once a devout Jew, Atheist, Catholic, Jehovah's Witness, going through the motions. And now taking part in a love relationship with Jesus. And I'm jealous!! How great it must feel to experience the love of Christ for the first time! To feel clean and loved for the first time. I feel like I've been dating this guy since I was 9, and I'm just watching other people starting their first relationship as adults, and not remembering that magic. Of course it's been amazing. I've been able to learn so much because of it. I feel like I have knowledge to share with my students and church and wisdom from a girl who has been in their shoes.
But the reason I've shared my story and have written this note is because I would like to ask all of the people who have not been a Christian they're whole life, to explain to me what it's like to give your life to Him for the first time. What was that moment like? What did the week have to follow? What did your friends think? Were their major life changes? Do you think your the same person? How did it happen? You don't have to answer all of the questions but I'm dangerously curious. Thanks for reading!
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