Vulnerable

I'm taking a break from the faith based posts... I thought I would say something about myself for once.

The few people who read my blog I'm sure have met me and have noticed a few things about me that you've always wondered about, but were too shy to ask. Well that is OKAY because I am going to do the asking and answering for you ;)

First off, one of the first things you notice when you meet me, are the white patches over my eye and on my calves. This is a a pretty common skin condition called 'vidaligo'. They're not scars, they're not painful, and it's not contagious ;) Pretty much, those little areas on my skin can't hold pigment. And any of the hair that grows on the areas grow completley white! I think it's pretty neat!

When I was younger I had some a hard time with it. Kids in school made fun of me and I remember crying in my room at night asking God why, out of all the people in this world, why he had chosen me to have this. I wanted so much for it to be gone. I remember my mom had bought me this cover-up for it. One day I decided to use it and I thought you had to put it on your entire face. I came out of my room and my family laughed at me because I looked incredibly orange... so that didn't work out. Haha. But now that I'm older I honestly appreciate the individuality it brings me. The photographer photoshopped it out of many of my senior pictures and I was actually kind of mad. So now I'm grateful for the little spots that are about a fourth of the size they used to be. (It also moves around, grows, and shrinks. Weird huh?)

Another thing I'm sure people notice about me are my four, front, bottom teeth. This one I'm a tad bit more sensitive about. They are brownish/yellowish and have been since they grew in when I was about 7. The best explanation the doctors can come up with was that the growth my teeth were affected about a really awful fever I had when I was young. The enamel around those 4 teeth is basically nonexistent. So not only has it left me with this hideous smile, but the teeth are extremely sensitive to temperature. I cried when I got my braces on, not because of the tightening, but because the air they were blowing on my teeth was so cold.

The teeth thing is something I still struggle with. It's so upsetting that I take such good care of my teeth but I stil have these gross things. And insurance doesn't cover it. Just the other week my dentist told me that she could fix it and the first thing I thought was "Wow. I'm finally going to be normal."

But it was false hope. It's going to be a thousand bucks a tooth to get some caps over these suckers.... but oh well.

Lastly, for my closer friends, you might have noticed my fear of close proximity. It's something I struggle with constantly. There have been times where I could over come this for the sake of a scene or just because I trust a person enough. I don't like it when people (mainly dudes) put their face close to mine. I don't like peoples bodies touching mine, and I am freakishly ticklish. This is because I was fighting with my brother a few years ago and somehow he had gotten me pinned down. He had all his weight on me and I couldn't move at all and it was difficult to breath. It was at this moment that I realized that I wasn't invincible and there are people who, if they wanted to, could hold me down and have me at their mercy. That and a combination of creepy old dudes stalking me have made it easy to be afraid of people.

But no worries. I don't have any suppressed memeries that torment me daily and string me out. Hey.. we all have out tiny flaws, and these just happen to be mine.