Chosen

"Oh what a wonderful God we have! How great are His riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and methods! For who can know what the Lord is thinking? Who knows enough to be hi counselor? And who can ever give him so much that he would have to pay it back? For everything comes from Him; everything exists by his power and is intended for His Glory. To Him be glory evermore. Amen"
-Romans 11:33-36

So I'm officially twenty years old. Time sure flies when you're having fun. I'm still trying to figure out Gods master plan, when I should just sit and listen.

I have a two questions that I'm going to ask. Feel free to answer them how you will, or you can just troll and leave some comments, or not comment at all. But just contemplate your answer. I asked this to a few friends and school and didn't get too much of a response.

Do you ever look around you at your surroundings and the people in it and just think I'm a freaking genius? I don't mean this in a funny or cocky way at all. Do you ever look around you and realize that one day you're going to be so far away from here and people are going to hold your opinion to a high standard?

I know it sounds a bit silly but I will be just sitting there in my psychology class when all of a sudden this sensations of anxiousness and excitement bubble up inside me and I feel like if I just had a canvas I could paint you the most beautiful picture. Peoples voices will start to blend into the air conditioning and I will be lost in this thought of greatness.

I wonder if Kind David or Paul ever felt like this?

My next questions sort of ties into the last:
Do you ever feel that God is taking extra care to ensure your specific future? That he is constantly leading your away from catastrophe and protecting you from bad people and bad situations? I feel like he almost favors me. I was once told that God sometimes favors people. Not that he loves any person any more or less than the last, but that some people are in his favor. And there's nothing you can do to get in or out of it. For years I felt like I was an average person outside of Gods favor due to my sin and issues. That he could never favor a beat up and broken girl like myself. But now I feel completely different.

It wasn't easy growing up as an over weight, 6 foot tall, mixed girl with crazy hair. Every girls was small and white with beautiful wavy or straight hair. And I had rolls, big feet, and braces. My heart was constantly broken by crushes ans hateful girls. I would stay in my room and sulk and cry and never did anything to help myself except pray. Until one day I decided to fight. I had to fight and fight these boys and emotions until nearly a year went by that I had reached the happy, gorgeous me that God was waiting to show the world.

Now that I have hit this realization and discovered my passion, God has been blessing me left and right. Nothing in this whole world feels as good as not only doing what you love, but doing what you love for God.

I can almost physically feel his hand on my heart, guiding me away darkness.

I'm sure you've gotten bored with all of my thoughts and feelings by now. But I just needed to get my heart out in words. It's still hard for me to believe that I have been blessed with such a wonderful life filled to the brim with the best people this world has to offer.