Doubt

Sometimes I just get so confused about everything. I see life down here on earth and my mind doesn't even know where to start. Love. Hate. Murder. Cartoons. Show curtains. Friends. Sin. Shame. Joy. Theme parks. Costco. Yellow.

Life is just FULL of things. So full that every single person learns something new every day until they die... until they die. Pass away. Leave the earth. To go where?

But then God shows me the beauty to every thing. The precision. The order. Everything is a friggin machine. Cogs that just cause other cogs to spin. I study for a test, I pass. I don't change my oil, my car makes horrid sounds.

Every single time The Enemy starts to whisper lies into my mind or causes me to stumble upon a blog or video stating that everything I believe is a lie or just stupid, I get scared. Like, what if I HAVE wasted all of this time following something completely made up. What if I really don't go to heaven when I die, and this is it? This is all that life has to offer, just the few short years I spend on earth and then I'm nothing. I'm gone. I may as well have not existed at all in the end.

Then God shows me heaven. Heaven shines through the eyes of my beautiful little sister lifting her hands in praise and worship. Heaven shines in the once broken but healed hearts of the young girls Radial who trust me and Him enough to spill out their hurt and pain all over the floor in front of me and at His feet to be put on the cross and crucified. Heaven shines in the love I get from people who took the time to invest in me and care about me. The people who actually want to be around me and talk to me and text me and invite me places and ask about my day and really, honestly, truly want to know and are ready to hear me when I say "Gosh, things are hard." I see Heaven in people who give seconds chances. And third and fourth and fifth chances.

I see Heaven in the love and kindness and strength in the face of a young man battling cancer. Of a single mother raising two amazing kids to be warriors for Jesus. Through the music of a violin at a recital. In excitement of a best friend passionate about musicals and helping others.

And when I see this I understand. I still have questions and a few things still confuse me but then I remember that I have a God who made yawing, the deep sea, and all the planets.. things that even the smartest minds can't explain..

So if you ever doubt, as God to show you Himself and Heaven and he'll never fail.