I don't want to be fat anymore.

I hate looking at cute outfits and coming to the realization that 1. There is a one and a million chance that they'll have my size in it, and 2. It always look much cuter on thinner people.

My whole life people say things like "You fiiiiine." "You're not fat!" "Bri! Seriously? You're trying to loose weight AGAIN?!" And to those people, thank you for lying to me to make me feel better. But here is what I have to say to those things: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING THIN. There's nothing wrong with WANTING to be thin.

You wanna know what's wrong with being fat? Health issue. Sloth. Lack of self control. Bad diet. Things never fit. Stairs. Not being able to sit comfortably. Self consciousness. Fat jokes... I could go on.

Do not get me wrong. There are some people who just own being thick, and work it. That is so awesome for them and I wish them the best. I handed out gourmet popcorn samples (candy and chocolate coated) at Costco for about a year. I mostly worked in the privileged parts of town like Scottsdale, Chandler, East Mesa, and Gilbert. I saw so many women come in who were fit and often coming shopping straight from working out. They always took one sample of the healthiest flavor, take one or two pieces and throw the rest away. They would almost always ask how much sugar, fat, calories, carbs, or sodium was in it. I always admired this. Even when taking samples they took careful steps to make sure to control themselves and eat sparingly. Then we had another type of customer. We called them 'grazers.' We weren't allowed to limit how many samples people took so often people would come back for not just one or two, but SEVERAL helpings. Which we really had no problem with but, can I just say, that these people were hardly ever thin.
One lady I remember vividly to be quite heavy heard another thin lady say she didn't want a sample because it was unhealthy and replies 'I'll take some. I love food more than what I look like. I'm fat and I'm happy." Which was perfectly fine for HER.

And to be honest I felt sorry for the grazers. I know what it's like for your taste buds and stomach to betray your health. I still suffer from this same thing. It's almost 3 am and I just got done eating a huge bowl of pasta.... which I ate right after a large slice of pie that I washed down with a can of Coke Zero.

My family has never really been one for a balanced diet. Sometimes I think that kids get a choice between parents who cook really good food, or parents who makes really healthy food. I got the great cook.

As far as exercise goes, I was in sports constantly through elementary school, junior high, high school, and my first year in college. Then I stopped to focus on theatre and I gained weight so fast. And what I kept thinking to myself is that I have a great personality (which I do), I'm pretty, and I'm talented. That should be enough to make up for the fact that I'm fat.. but this is not true. (For me at least). People take thin people more seriously. Thin people get picked for rolls more often. Thin people date more. Thin people are more active and accepted; and I'm sorry if I'm hurting feelings but this is just true. It's statistically proven. And more than that, I witness this stuff.

So for more reasons than wanting to look good, I'm making the decision to reform myself as I grown into adulthood. I'm reforming my diet, my exercise, my room, my school, and my over all life. I'm going to be officially an adult in July and at this point I have nothing to show for it. I'm creating a new blog called: Responsibly Adult and it's going to focus on me trying to get my life in order. It's going to be verrrrrrrrrry slow and gradual because I'm not good at changing. But I hope to get your support and prayer to push me along.

Thanks for reading!